Living Life To The Fullest
by OCDtwinerdOWD
Summary: Lexi Swan has always lived with her dad Charlie. Her older half sister Bella just moved in with them about a year ago. Ignoring what Bella has going on in her life this is the story of how Lexi dies taking advice from a friend.
1. Jacob wasn't the one was he?

Life, it's something we all took for granted.

Some of us, throw it away, like it's nothing. Some of us, live our life in fear. Some of us, like me, lived our life to fullest.

Most of us, won't just push the boundaries a bit. I was raised to believe that you had one life and you had to live it the fullest. My name is Lexi Swan, and this is my story of how I died.

It was other rainy day in forks. Surprise, Surprise. In this little town, I called home, rain more than any place in the world. I live with my dad, Charlie, who happens to be the chief of police here and my sister Bella who just moved down here a year ago. Charlie was the first one to teach me to push the boundaries. Not talking about anything big, just once in awhile it was okay to go talk to someone you never had before, because you heard rumors about them.

That's how I met, Emmett Cullen.

He was my first friend at Forks High and he wasn't the last friend either. With him, I met Jasper Hale, his crazy girlfriend Alice Cullen. Edward Cullen, Emmett's half-witted younger brother and Rosalie Hale, Jasper twin sister, Emmett's girlfriend.

At my old schools, I never fit in. I had only one friend I keep in touch with all the time. Jacob Black. We had been friends since I was two and he was three. We always keep in touch but when I made friends with Emmett, Jacob was shoved to the side. We talked but he had closed up to me and I couldn't take it.

Yes, I had tried to talk to him but the last time we talked, he called me a heartless bitch. That was month ago. Emmett told me it was because he was jealous of me having more friends then him. But that wasn't true.

Jacob had a pack of friends. It was more like gang, and Sam was the leader. Jacob had always seemed to be second in charge. If Sam wasn't there, everyone looked up to him. Other then me, Embry and Quil had been his best friends since forever. When we were little, I had a thing for Embry, even if he was six months older than me.

Jacob had been the next person to teach me, to live life to it fullest. His quote was 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.' Jacob had taught me how to ride motorcycles and to cliff dive. Emmett wasn't happy with Jacob when I told Jasper who had taught me how to ride.

All these people I had name, have a part in my life and a part in my death.

Like I said before, this is my story of how I died. Like Jacob had told me, 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.' But Jacob wasn't the one who had died trying to follow his quote now was he?


	2. What if?

"Are you sure about this?" Emmett Cullen asked me as he wrapped his arms around me. "We could die, if you crash." Like that was going to happen and he knows it.

"Would you put some trust in me, Cullen?" I shouted at him, as I started the motorcycle.

"Always have, Swan." He said back, into my ear, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Good, now you know what is going to happen. So hold on, for your life." I kicked the bike stand up and off we when. By the time we hit the highway, we was going 80. Emmett never once, let go of his grip on me. He was used to how fast we were going.

I had only scared Jasper once with my driving and that was two months ago. We almost hit a mini van full of kids and a mother who looked like she had slept in years.

I had slipped and the front wheel locked when I slammed my leg down to brake it without thinking. We had been going 70, so the biked flipped us over and on to the rode. Cars slammed on their brakes and missed us by inches. I had knocked Emmett out cold and I had broke my arm.

"Watch it, Swan" He yelled in my ear as we dodged another motorcycle. I just nodded my head as I took the exit I needed to.

"Here we go," I told Emmett as I picked the speed up. Then we went up the hill we had gone up so many times before. The hill was a good 200 yards up. Lucky, it wasn't rocky.

I could ride up and down this hill all day with my eyes closed. Most people I knew, like Jasper and Edward freaked when I took them up this hill on my bike. Emmett was different though, it didn't scary him. It gave both us a thrill going up and down the hill.

At the top, I stopped and turned off my bike. Something I have never done before on the top.

"What's up, Swan?" Emmett asked as he took off his helmet.

"Enjoying the view," I told him as got off my bike and knocked the kick stand down. "You know, out all the times we rode this hill, we never stopped at the top?" I asked him, as I took off my own helmet.

"I was just thinking about that." Emmett said. I smiled at him and walked to the edge of the hill and sat. Emmett joined me not long after that.

After a good five minutes, emmett bumped me with his shoulder, which made me jump.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Emmett asked me with a laugh.

"Nothing really," I told him. Which wasn't true, I was thinking about how all the stuff we could do together in just one day, we could get killed, how we could get killed doing our stupid stunts.

"You lie?" I laughed at his grammar.

"A little, okay, I was thinking about what would we do if one of us died doing one our many stunts." The smile from Emmett's lips left him. His face was unreadable now.

"Do you want to stop doing the stunts?" He asked me, my eyes widen.

"No! Why do you?" He shook his head.

"No, it's just that you seem afraid of one us getting hurt or getting killed."

"Just because I seem afraid of it, don't mean I'm going to stop doing, Cullen." He nodded again. His shoulder brushed mine.

"If you ever died, Swan, doing one of your many stunts well I don't know." He seemed to be at lost of words.

"Would you stop doing the stunts?" I asked him and he shrugged.

"Don't know, maybe. It wouldn't be the same, you know. I wouldn't have my partner in crime. So most likely yes. How about you?"

"Same here, without you it wouldn't be fun. Your the only one who won't freak when I do 80 on the highway. I swear, Edward was about to break me in half when I took him up this hill." Both Emmett and I laughed.

"Have you ever rode with Jacob on this hill?" I nodded at him.

"A few times, before he changed. We used to race each other up and down this hill. We crashed once and Jacob never rode this hill again." That was one of the darkest days of my life, I had thought I had killed Jacob.

"What happened?" He asked me and I sighed.

"Jacob's bike somehow lost control and he slammed into me. My bike crushed his shoulder when it fell on top of him at that speed. I was just tossed to the side like I was nothing. That's the only time I had seen Jacob cried. I don't think Billy ever forgave me." Jasper eyebrow shot up in question at me.

"Billy wouldn't listen to Jacob when he said he was the one who lost control. Billy thought he was covering up for me."

"Why would he think that?" He asked me.

"Because, the doctor told him if my bike had been two more inches up, it would had killed him. I would have damaged his wind pipe. Jacob never been up on this hill again and I don't blame him."

"Wait, wasn't Jacob the one that always said 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself?'" I nodded.

"Yes, but I don't think he fears it. He just won't ride this hill anymore. He'll ride any others." Emmett bit his lip in thought.

"But you rode this hill after Jacob got hurt?"

"Why wouldn't I? The hill didn't hurt me, it was Jacob bike that had lost control not the hill." Emmett laughed a little.

"Swan, you're one weird person." I turned and grinned at him.

"But you're the one whom best friends with the weird one, remember?" I teased him.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way." He told me, as he kissed my cheek. I blushed. For the rest of the time, we sat in silent. Emmett was the first one to brake the silence after about hour.

"We better get going, the sun going down and we have a good half hour of getting back." I nodded as Emmett helped me up.

"Do you want to drive?" I asked him, tossing my keys to him. He blinked at me.

"Are you sure? You never let anyone drive your baby, remember." I snorted at him.

"No, I said 'no one can drive her unless I trust them' and you know I trust you." I rolled my eyes, as I tossed him his helmet. He shrugged, and placed his helmet on. He straddled my bike and I did the same as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Ready," He started my bike and kicked off, sending us down the hill. Emmett wasn't as fast as me but he was fast enough. The wind blew into our faces as Emmett raced down the hill. At the bottom of it, he cut the bike sharply, and when around the hill to get us out on to the highway.

"Easy," I told him. "Not so sharp." I didn't hear it, but I felt his body shake with laugher. We were on the highway in no time.

It was dark when Emmett pulled up to his house. He parked my bike beside his and turned it off. He jumped off, and helped me off, like I needed it.

"Wanna stay for the night?" He asked me and I shrugged at him.

"Don't you need to ask your mom first?" He laughed taking his cell out.

"Hey Mom. Can Lexi stay the night? Okay." He hung up without a goodbye.

"She told me to tell you you're always welcome to stay." I nodded, as I placed my helmet on the my bike. Then turned to Emmett.

"I think I'm going to go to Jacob's tomorrow and talk to him." I watched Emmett's eyes flash fire.

"Why?"

"One, because he's one of my best friends and two, you need to get along with him." He caught on.

"No, I'm not going with you Swan." He grabbed my hand and pulled me along to his house.

"Yes you are. Look aren't you the one who tells me I need to try new things? Well so do you, starting with you making friends with Jacob." He stopped but didn't let go of my hand.

"Are you really using my words against me?" He asked me. He was fighting off a smile.

"Maybe,"

"Fine, I'll go with you, but I can't make any promises about being friends with him." I nodded.

"That's all I ask." I told him, and kissed his cheek.

"Raise and shine," Emmett whispered into my ear, and I let out groaned. I pulled the blankets over my head.

"No," I muttered through the covers. "Go back to bed, Cullen." I heard Emmett laughed as he jerked the covers off of me.

"Come on, you are the one who wants to go to Jacob, not me. So get up and get ready." I sighed and sat up.

"I hate you, Emmett." I hissed at him. I watched his face fall with fake hurt.

"That hurt, Swan." I laughed and punched his shoulder.

"Now get out, so I can get ready." I told him pointing to the door.

"But this is my room, you can't kick me out." Watch me.

"Out, Emmett." With a laugh, he got off the bed and headed out the door, and shut it behind him. I jumped out of the bed and went to my bag that I kept in his room. It had some clothes in it and other stuff I might need that I kept here for days like this.

After putting on some jeans and tee shirt, I opened the door to come face-to-face to Jasper. I jumped back in surprise and shock.

"What the hell, Jasper." Jasper smirked.

"Hey, what have I told you about using my last name in vain?" He had narrowed his eyes in fake anger.

"Light up, Jasper." Rosalie, Jasper's sister, said as she walked by us. "Alway a jackass," She muttered loud enough so we could hear. I tried not to laugh. It didn't work. Jasper head snapped back to me and he growled.

"You think that's funny?" He asked me and I turned my head so he could see the grin on my face, while I shook my head. Suddenly I felt warm arms wrap around my waist, jerking me into the air.

"Put. Me. Down. Jasper." I growled through my teeth. Jasper just laughed, but it wasn't in my ear like I thought it was going to be.

"It is not me, Lexi. You may want to tell Edward that though."

"Edward, put me down." Edward laughed and placed me back down on my own two feet.

"Hey Lexi, did you spent the night here?" I rolled my eyes. Edward knew I did.

"Don't I always?" I asked him, giving him a hug. When we let go, Edward turned to Emmett.

"You really need to share, she's my best friend too." Edward whined to him.

"Shut up, Edward." Emmett playfully growled at him. "Come on, Swan. If we're going to Jacob's we better-" Emmett stopped when Jasper growled.

"What? You're taking her to Jacobs? Emmett don't you remember the last time she was with him? She cried for days." Edward told Emmett like I wasn't even in the room.

"Mind your own business, Cullen." I roared at him, and Edward took a step back.

"Easy Lexi, I'm just looking after you."

"I have an annoying sister for that, Edward. I don't need you. So back out of my business." I turned to Emmett. "Your bike or mine?"

"Mine, we took yours out yesterday." With a nod, I grabbed Emmett's keys out of his hands and stormed away from them.

"Come on, Lexi. He was just looking after you. You can't stay mad at him forever." _Watch me_. My sister Bella called from in the kitchen where she was watching us with Alice Cullen.

"Not now, Bella. I don't need him telling me what to do, and I sure as the hell don't you tell me what to do either."

"I'm not, Lexi!" He was pissed now.

"Sorry, Emmett. I know you're not, I'm sorry." I told him with a sigh. "Look when we get back, I'll tell Edward I'm sorry, okay?" He nodded without a word and grabbed his' keys back. Without a word, he tossed me my helmet and put on his. We rarely fought, but when we did, life was hell for both of us.

I just stood there looking at him.

"Are you coming?" He asked, throwing a leg over his bike. I didn't move.

"Whatever," He said starting the bike and drove off.


	3. It's me Lexi,

"Bells?" A familiar husky voice called out from Jacob's house. It was raining, pouring more like it. I was soaked from riding my bike.

"It's me Lexi," I called out to him, "I'm going to go put my bike up." I shouted at him as I pushed the bike where he kept his.

As I turned back around, I ran into Jacob's arms. I let out a shriek in surprise. He laughed as he wrapped his warm arms around me, squeezing me in a bear hug.

"Jacob," I said breathless. "Can't breathe, kind of need to." He laughed again, and the weight of his arms left me.

"Can we go in? It's freezing," Jacob nodded, seizing my hand and pulled me along with him.

As soon as we were in the warmth of the house, Jacob turned to me.

"You're still not mad at me, are you?" He asked me. "I shouldn't have called you heartless, Lexi. I was mad but it gives me no right to—" I stopped him by covering his mouth with my hand.

"I forgive you," I told him, and even with my hand in the way, I saw him smile. He removed my hand and started to talk again.

"So how's you last month been? Still dating what's his face?" I punched him.

"No, you know Emmett and I aren't dating. We're friends, best friends. Plus he has a girlfriend."

"I thought we were best friends, though?" Jacob said, with a slam over his heart. "I can't believe it, you found a replacement."

"Shut up, you know you're still my best friend. He's just my best of my best friends." Jacob just blinked at me.

"Right, because all normal people have best of the best friends." He said with a shake of his head.

"Whatever, and who said I was normal anyway?" He let out a laugh.

"It wasn't me, that's for sure." I was about to say something when I heard a voice behind me.

"What is for sure?" Embry. I turned and his face lighted up along with mine.

"Embry," I shouted, with a jump over the couch and into his arms.

"Woo, Lexi. You're going to hurt yourself." He laughed into my ear. I pulled back and stuck out my tongue.

"Will not," I told him.

"Will to, and you know it." I just crossed my arms over my chest.

With a chuckle, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to Jacob's couch.

"Why didn't you tell me Lexi was coming? I would have dressed better or something." Embry asked Jacob as we sat down.

"I didn't know she was coming. Which by the way, wheres Emmett? The last few times you came up, he was with you." I made a face.

"I pissed him off, cause I told Edward off." I said it like it was no big deal. But I knew it was.

"Woo, you told Edward off? Why?" Embry asked me.

"He didn't want me going to see Jacob so I told him off. Then I yelled at Emmett for telling me what to do, so he left in a hurry.

"Lexi, I don't want you to start something with them because of me." Jacob told me, actually sounding like he meant it.

"I'm not, but you know I hate being told what to do." Jacob sighed and leaned back in to his chair.

After a few hours, I stood up, blood rushed to my legs, that felt like thousands of needles going through it.

"I better go," I told them.

"Do you need ride?" Embry asked, "It's dark out and it's still raining. We can toss your bike in the back of my truck." I thought about it, I agreed. Jacob got up and followed us out.

"I'll go with you." He said, and turned to Embry. "You can just spend the night here." He nodded and we got my bike.

"I can get it myself you know, I'm not that weak." They just smirked at me.

"Whatever." I opened up the truck and slid in the back. Embry got in the driver seat, and Jacob took shotgun. We talked on the way home, but half way there, we stopped at wrack. I didn't think to much about it until I saw a motorcycle that was wrapped around the tree. _I knew that bike_.

"STOP!" I yelled at Embry, and he slammed on the breaks. Jacob opened his door and I jumped out of the truck. Not far from the bike was unconscious Emmett. That's when Embry and Jacob joined my side.

"Oh my god," I heard one of them whispered. "Call 911, now!"


	4. If the shoe fits

I didn't move at first, I couldn't. I just stared at Emmett's body. I felt like I was going to throw up. In my ears, I heard Embry shouting into his cell. He must have had called 911.

"Yes, he's 17. No, by the looks of it he crashed into the tree. No one's touched him. Yes, I'll stay on the line. Okay..." I tuned him out and felt Jacob hand touch me, and jumped. I was to lost at looking at Jasper to remember he was there.

"Lexi, don't look." It was too late, I've already seen too much.

Without warning, my legs started toward Emmett, then it turned into a run. I fell at his side and saw that he was just barely breathing. Blood lingered in the air around us but I couldn't see any blood.

Jacob joined myself when Jasper started to make a gaging sound then stop breathing altogether. Damn it. I quickly removed his helmet as I shouted to Embry.

"He's not breathing!" I shouted to Embry and heard him echo it to the person.

"Do you know how to give mouth to mouth resuscitation?" He yelled back and I nodded to him in the darkness when he got closer to us. "Do it then. If you need to she can-" I cut him off with a snap.

"I can do it,"

I reached out and placed my two of my fingers under his chin. I opened his mouth with the other hand. It was to dark to see in it. I couldn't tell if something was blocking his airway.

"I can't see into his mouth." I felt something hit my arm and saw that Jacob had lend over us and placed his cell phone over Emmett's mouth. He brought his head closer and looked inside.

"It's clear. Nothings blocking it." He told me and I nodded as I placed my hand on Emmett's forehand tilting his head back like I was taught to do along time ago. I kept my hand on his chin as I moved my other hand to hold his nose shut. I bent over him, and placed my mouth over his. I let out a breath into him and out of the corner of my eye I saw his chest rise.

I removed my mouth to check his pulse. It was slow, but it was beating. I placed my mouth back over his and breathed again. After about the ten times, Jasper started to cough and began to breathe on his own. I slowly with Jacob help moved him on his side encase he started to throw up.

"He's breathing on his own again," I told Embry and he nodded as he retold the person what I just said.

"The ambulance should be here soon. Make sure he keeps breathing Bella, and don't move him anymore unless you have to." I nodded, even though I already knew that. Jasper breathing was shallow, gasping and labored as it forced its way in and out of his lungs.

"Check him over, make sure he not bleeding to much in one place," Embry told Jacob and me. "If he is try, to stop it with something, like a tee shirt." We nodded, and started to check him. As Jacob check his lower half, I check his head and neck. I ran my fingers through his hair in the back and came up with blood. That what was the smell in the air was from.

"Jacob, I think he hit his head, he's bleed pretty badly here." Jacob stopped his checking, and turned to Jasper head, and ran his finger in his hair.

"I don't like how much he's losing." Jacob muttered to me, in a stressed voice as he took off his shirt. He then ripped it in half, and gave me part of it.

"Wrap it around his head," He told me and then went back to checking. I nodded to myself, as lifted Jasper head slightly to place the tee shirt around the back of his head. Even unconscious, emmett winced as I plied pressure to his wound.

"I'm sorry, Emmett." I whispered to him not knowing if he could here me. I kept blinking, and fought off the tears that had threated to spilled over at any time.

"Other than the head wound, he seems to be okay." Jacob told me. My thoughts told me Emmett was anything other than okay but I didn't point it out.

"Ambulance is here," Embry told us as he hung up the cell. "I'll meet them where we are," He set his self in a pace that was almost a run. I turned to see Embry be sucked up in the shadows around us. I could only see the white and red lights mixed in with blue. The police was here too then. I could hear muttering as the sounds fluttered in the air around Jake and me. As Jacob rose to get out of the way of the E.M.T, I just moved so I was knelt beside the top of his head.

"Have you two checked him?" One of the EMT asked us.

"Yes, he must have hit his head hard, cause he's bleeding on the back of his head." Jacob told her.

"Was he wearing a helmet?" She asked as she knelt beside Jasper, taking stuff out of her box.

"Yes, we took it off when he stop breathing." The EMT nodded.

" How long did he go without breathing? Was it long? Did someone mouth to mouth resuscitation?" Her questions was endless.

"Not long, 45 seconds at the most and yes I give him mouth to mouth. I did for about two minutes until he started breathing on his own." The only questioned I had was, 'was he going to be okay,' but I didn't ask it. How would she known anyways, she just got here and at the moment, I knew more about what is going on than she did.

"His pulse is going up slightly, 45/80." She called to the other EMT person who had a stretcher with them. "He seems to be in coma." God.

"Will he be okay?" Jacob asked as he stood behind me.

" I don't know, son." The woman answered him, helping the other person lifted Jasper up. Jasper has let out a moan of pain.

"I'm going with you," I told them and the woman nodded, not even bothering asking my age.

I turned and faced Jacob. " Are you going to the hospital?" He nodded.

"Yes, Embry and I will be right behind you." I nodded a thanks knowing with Emmett like this I would need Jake and Embry's support.

The thought of riding in ambulance had trilled me at one point in my life, but that moment wasn't now. I was pushed to the side, Jasper hand in mine as I watched them work on him.

The EMT man, quizzed me all the way to Forks Hospital. Questions that when from 'how we knew each other to Emmett's parents background history.'

Emmett never opened his eyes once but only winced once in while. As soon as we got out, I was told to go to the waiting room. They promised to do the best they could. I walked slowly to waiting room where Jacob and Embry waited. I sat between them, hand in hand with both of them not talking.

When the waiting door open, in walked Edward, Bella, and Rosalie. Rosalie face was twisted up with pain. Edward looked beyond pissed. Rose gave me a small painful smile as she sat down next to Embry. Edward just stood, and looked at me. The thoughts 'if looks could killed' when through my head. No one said a word for a good five minutes until Rose broke the silence first.

"Damn it, Edward. It's not her fault, so stop looking at her like it is." She hissed and I turned my head toward her.

"Stay out of it, Rosalie." Edward hissed back. I just moved my head back and forth between them.

"Your really blaming me for this Edward?" I asked him, my voice was tight as I looked at him.

"If the shoe fits." I rose out of my seat, and knocked both Embry and Jacob hands out of mine.

"How dare you, your best friend is in there and all you can think about whom fault it is?" I growled at him. No one but us was in the small waiting room.

"Who's the one who taught him to ride that damn bike? If you never met him, Emmett would be at Jasper's or my house like the old days before he met _you_." He actually spat at the word you.

"I never told him he had to ride the motorcycle, he asked me to teach him and I did. Mistakes happens, Emmett'a mistake was driving in the dark while it was raining." My voice echoed there in the air around us.

"No, Lexi.. The only mistake Emmett made was falling in love with you. I told him you w-" I cut him off when my fist hit his mouth.

"How dare you, Edward. How could you?" My voice was a whisper as Jacob grabbed me from behind and pulled me down into his lap. I fought against him until I was free from his lap. The last time I wanted was to be conformed.

"Will you shut up?" Rose barked at him.

"Don't tell me what to do, rose. I can see in your face you're blaming her too." He turned and faced me, "We all are." Before I could speak a doctor walked in. Rosalie wiped a tear from under her eye and walked out of the room.

"Lexi Swan?" He asked.

"That's me," My voice broke.

"Emmett is worst than we thought, he's in a coma but by the looks of the x-rays, his brain was moved from the impacted of the hit. We just going to be forward with you, he might never wake and if he does, he might not remember who he is." No. "I'm sorry," The tears I had held back from early escaped. "You can go see him if you like with another person. Just no more then two at a time. He's in room 207, east wing"

"Did you get in touch with his mom?" Jacob asked.

"Not yet," Was the last thing the doctor said before he left.

I walked over to the corner Rose was crying in. "Rose?" I asked and she nodde. We left the room and headed to his room. I felt like I had floated the whole way. When I opened the door to his room, I felt faint. Emmett was tied down with many wires that wrapped around him. From this view, he looked broken. I placed my hand on Rose shoulder as she looked down at him. She just shook it off as she slowly made her way to his right side. I when to his left.

" Emmett, I don't know if you can hear me but please come back to me. You can't leave me, Emmett." Rose whispered to him. "Please Emmett," She begged. Tears from her fell on to his bare chest.

"Emmett," I muttered to him, as I took his hand. I felt his fingers move slightly. I didn't know what to say. I just looked down at him. My best friend, more of a brother than anything. "Why couldn't it had been me?" I whispered to him. His voice filled my thoughts as he was really talking to me. 'Don't be stupid, Swan'.

If he didn't make it out of this, I would be following him. No, I wouldn't be far behind him. He wasn't going to leave me behind again.

I stood and dropped his hand. "I'm going to let Edward come back," Rose just nodded. Again I felt like I had floated back to the waiting area. I just looked at Edward as I walked in and nodded to him. He didn't say a word as he left the room. I didn't either I sat did not sit back down beside Embry or Jacob. I just stood against the wall and fell down to floor. I covered my head with my arms. This is what happened when you take risks. I had been warned but I didn't believe it. I was 17, and the world was against me already and I felt like I was immortal to it. Couldn't get hurt or killed. The earth already give me enough warnings. Was my punishment for not listening to it was to take Emmett away from me?

Life wasn't fair, how could God take emmett now? He was only 17, to young to live out his life. He had too much to see.

Time didn't matter to me anymore as I sat there waiting for more news on Jasper. I only talk once when his mom told me she didn't blame me, not by a long shot.

Rose told me the same thing. Even Alice and Jasper tried talking to me but I never lifted my head from my knees to look at them. It was just too much on me. I felt more tied to Emmett than his own girlfriend.

Jacob and Embry left after what felt like days but it had only been three hours. I faintly heard when they told me they would be back in the morning.

The only time I lifted my head up was when Edward had came back in. Tears stained his face as he met my eyes. I could see the pain deep inside them and couldn't take it. I slammed my head back down on my knees. Tears started to stain my own face now. Life was to short to be wasted and Jasper was just proving that quote right at the moment.


	5. Don't think of me as a coward

Timed passed slowly. What felt like years only became a week in reality. I never left the hospital, but to only shower and change clothes. I was always in Emmett's room either talking to him or just holding his hand. Rose or Alice was with me most of the times. I didn't see much of Edward or Japer. I guess it was hard on them to see their friend like it.

"Here Lexi," Jacob whispered to me. He had passed me a fruit bar. I passed it back to him, and shook my head. We were in the waiting room and I had taken my spot against the wall. Out of the cornered of my eyes I saw a little girl in her mother lap look at me. Tears stained both of their cheeks.

"Come on you have to eat, Lexi. You barely touched your food during supper. You can't keep doing this to yourself." He waved the bar in my face again. I reached up and knocked it out of his hand.

"I said no." I told him, even I could tell how dead my voice was. I've had not talked to anyone, but Emmett in the last week.

"Lexi," He breathed out, leaning down to where I was sitting. "Please don't make me force food down your throat. I don't want to, but I will. Now eat." He tossed the fruit bar into my lap and walked away. I sighed and laid my head back down on my knees. I didn't move until I saw a doctor walked in. I raised my head as he walked over to lady with the little girl.

"Mrs. Stoner?" The doctor asked and the lady nodded.

"He's out now, you may go see him now if you like, but I'm afraid your little girl can't. She under the age of 12 so she'll have to stay here." The lady looked like she was going to argue, but then sighed and nodded looking down the small girl in her lap.

"Thank you," She told the doctor as she wiped the tears off of the small girl face. The doctor nodded and left.

"Mommy's going to go see your brother. Stay here and please don't go anywhere." That's when I decide I should say something to them.

"I'll watch her for you when you go back if you like." The mother turned to me, the tears on her face looked like glitter under the light. I could see Jacob and Rose look at me in shock

"That's okay, I don't want to bother you." I shook my head.

"Really its no bother at all. I'm going to be sitting here anyway." The mother looked like she was thinking it through before she nodded.

"Thank you," She said as she left. When the door closed behind her I turned back to the little girl.

"You can come sit beside me if you like," The small girl nodded and walked slowly over to me and sat down beside me without a word. I didn't say anything to her at first but thought it would help her keep her mind off of what was happening if I talked to her.

"What's your name?" My voice had little life in it.

"LeAnna Grace, but I go by Grace. What's yours?" Her voice shook a little from the tears she was still shedding.

"Lexi." She nodded her small head at me.

"That's a pretty name." Grace told me and I felt my lips twitched with a small smile.

"Thank you, Grace. Your name is pretty too." She blushed at my comment. We didn't speak for a few minutes until Grace broke the silents.

"Why are you here?" She asked me.

"My friend got hurt." I didn't think she would understand anything else.

"Oh, my brother got shot. Mommy told him he shouldn't play with the gun but he said he was to old to listen to her. The people who came and got him said he might not live." It shocked me she knew how much was going on. She had started to cry again and I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer.

"It's okay," I muttered to her and I heard Rosalie gaped. It must been real shocking to see me act like this after how I been for the last week.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I saw that Grace had her head in my lap. I turned and saw Embry and Jake asleep but Rose was gone. _She must be with Emmett_.

"I'll move her if she bothering you," I heard a voice to my left say. I turned to see the mother looking at me. I shifted a little so I could turn my head better.

"Its okay, she's fine. How's your son doing?" I asked her and she sighed.

"Okay, he's asleep at the moment. The doctor said he should recover soon enough but it might take a few weeks since he's so young." I wished the doctors would say the same thing about Emmett.

"That's good to hear, Ma'am." She nodded and I turned when I felt someone sit beside me. I turned to see Jasper.

"Hey," He muttered softly. I wasn't sure if it was he was scared to wake Grace or something else.

"Hey."

"How you holding up? Sorry I've had talked to you sooner by the way." He told me.

"It's fine, Jasper. I'm holding in there, you?" He sighed and rested his head on the wall.

"Better than you it seems, but that understandable since we know how close you and Emmett are." His voice was heavy around us. Then he seemed to think what he said might had hurt me.

"Oh that was stupid of me. I'm sorry Lexi, I wasn't thinking." I laughed lightly, but it seemed out of place.

"Its tough on all of us. Have you been back to see him yet?" He shook his head at me.

"I can't, its impossible for me Lexi. I can't see Emmett so broken like this and..." I shushed him.

"Wow. Just wow."

"What?"

"Its possible for you to blame me before you even hear my side of the story yet it is impossible for you to go tell your brother 'Good Luck' I thought you were better then that Jasper." It felt good to get that off my chest. Jasper sighed and changed the subject.

"Who's she?" He asked.

"Her name Grace." He nodded. "Have you seen Rose, she said she needed a ride home."

"She must be with Emmett," I shifted so I could move Grace. "Here I'll go get her, watch her for me. The mother just fell asleep." He nodded and place Grace in his lap with ease.

I stood up and saw that Embry was standing too. I didn't know he was awake.

"I'll go with you," He muttered and I nodded. He grabbed my hand and led me out of the small waiting room.

"That was nice of you, Lexi." He said as soon as we were out of the room. I didn't understand what he meant.

"What was?" I asked him.

"Watching Grace for that mom." I nodded. "Did you eat that fruit bar Jake gave you?" I shook my head at him and Embry sighed. I quickly covered up for myself though.

"I'll eat it when we get back into the waiting room." I promised and he nodded with a squeezed of my hand.

When I opened the door to Emmett's room, and saw that Rose wasn't in there. That was odd. I turned to Embry.

"She's not here," I told him and he looked in to see for his self. He looked confused when he looked back at me.

"When you fell asleep with Grace, she got up in a hurry and said she was going to see if the doctors was done checking on Emmett." This didn't seem right. I pulled out my cell and turned to go back to the waiting room. I pulled Embry along with me, since his hand was still in mine.

I dialed Rose cell but got nothing. This didn't seem right. I felt like I had rushed all the way down the hall to the small waiting room but Embry didn't seem to complain about my speed as I had dragged him along behind me. When I opened the room to waiting room, I had half hoped Rose would be here, sitting in a chair but she wasn't.

"Did you find her?" Jasper asked and I shook my head pulling my cell away.

"I tried calling her but got nothing not even a voice mail." Japer looked worried then.

"I'm going to go see if I can go find her, stay here incase she shows up. If she does, call my cell. I'll let you know when I find her." Both Embry and I nodded as he slowly placed Grace onto the floor. She didn't move once. When Emmett left, Jacob and I sat back down beside Grace. I pick her up and placed her so she was in both of ours laps. Silent hung heavily in the air around the waiting room.

Time was going slow again as I waited. I didn't have much hope now that Jasper had found her. When I was about to give up on him calling my cell rang. I picked it up before Embry could even think about answering it.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"Lexi. You ha-have to ge-get ove-over here. R-R-Ros-rose killed he-herself." I gaped. No.

"Where are you?" I asked. My voice didn't break for once.

"Her house," He hung up then.

The cell dropped out of my hands and Embry caught it before it could hit Grace. This wasn't happening.

"Lexi?" Embry asked shaking my shoulders. "What's wrong? Please tell me." I shook my head and gently pushed Grace feet out of my lap and stood up. I grabbed my things and turned to run out the room. Embry caught my arm before I could think about leaving.

"Is something wrong with Rose? Was that Jasper?" I barely nodded at him.

"Rose committed suicided." My voice broke. Embry's eyes widened he woke up Jake telling him to watch Grace, and then this time Embry was the one pulling me out of the room and down the hall.

"Slow down," I demanded as I tripped. "Please," I heard Embry growl and turned around faster than I thought possible and pulled me up into his arms.

"Sorry, Lexi. But we really can't have you getting hurt at a time like this." He whispered into my ear. The way it said wasn't mean like but it was close enough.

When Embry pulled up to Rose's house, we were met by police cars. I didn't take time to think what I was doing until I was opening the door to the house. I was met by a police officer when the door wasn't even half way opened.

"I'm sorry Miss. But you can't be in here." Like the hell I can't.

"But you don't understand, I-" I didn't have to say anything else. Jasper rounded the corner, tears that I thought he couldn't shred raced there way down his cheek.

"It's cool, she's my sister and that's her boyfriend." He lied smoothly to the cop.

The cop nodded and I pulled Embry along with me to catch up with Japser. I was meet by a scene that would forever haunt me until I died.

Rose was covered in blood, a gun laid untouched beside her as she was tangled against herself on the floor.

"She left a note for you," Jasper whispered as I turned my head away from the scene. Embry pulled me tightly against him. Jasper reached over and placed a piece of paper into my lap. Slowly with shaking fingers I opened it.

_Lexi;_

_Please don't think so lowly of me as my last thoughts are about you and Emmett. I know you don't understand why I'm going to do this but you will soon enough. You have to face the facts, Lexi. Emmett is not coming back to us and even if he does, he wont be like we going to hope he is. A part of him will be lost, I just know it and I wouldn't stand around to watch it. As this letter starts to end, so does my life. One day, I will see you again. Please don't think of me as a Coward._

_Rose._

I closed my eyes and felt tears fall from my eyes. Why had Rose left me like this. Was life really that hard that she had to end it like she did? I knew without a doubt, these questions would never be answered.


	6. Our Hill

I stood there, staring down at Rosalie's body. It had been over three days since she killed herself. Jasper wasn't even here today, nor was Alice.

The only reason I was here was because I felt like I had to for Emmett. If he couldn't say goodbye to his love, then I would for him. The only problem; I don't know what to say to her for him.

"Poor kid, it looks as if she's asleep." An old lady who had just walked by me said. I hung my head low. It wasn't true; Rose didn't look like she was asleep. From the time, I had known her; she always slept with her arms wrapped around her legs as if she was hugging herself. So no, she didn't look like she was sleeping, she looked dead.

"How could you? What if Emmett wakes up and your not there? Did you even think of Em…" I stopped when I choked down a sob that treaded to escape my lips.

"Lexi," Someone breathed my name from behind me. I turned to see Edward looking at me with unemotional eyes. They had no life in them.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, his breath blown into me, lingering around my face. I just nodded at him, never breaking eye contacted as we just stood there and stared at each other. He knew I had lied to him, heck anyone who was looking at me at the moment, knew I wasn't okay, but Edward didn't push it. He just nodded back. We stood there for a moment, looking into each other eyes not saying a word. It felt like we were trying to look into each other soul to find how much pain we were hiding from each other and the world. After a few minutes, Edward broke first, shifting his eyes to Rosalie's body.

Edward and Rosalie always fought every time they got together. They seemed to never get alone but looking at Edward now as he was taking in Rose's dead form, you wouldn't have known that. His blank eyes flashed pain for a split second before going back to the vacant empty stare that. Without a word, I seized his hand and pulled him away from Rose's casket. Edward didn't fight me as I pulled his away. It wasn't healthy for us to just gawk at a dead body and he knew that.

"Bella, Edward," A voice sounded behind us. Edward stopped pulling my hand to stop me as well. I didn't have to turn to see who it was this time that voice was all too recognizable. Jacob.

Before I had time to turn, Jacob had seized my waist and pulled me into a bear-hug. I felt Edward release my hand as I held on to Jacob as my feet were lifted from the ground.

"Jacob, please" I gasped out unable to breathe. He placed me back down onto the balls of my feet.

"Sorry," Jacob murmured as I felt the weight of his arms leave my body, allowing me to breathe again. I turned my head slightly to the side when I saw Embry move at out the corner of my eye. He seemed to think he was out of place here.

"I'm sorry, Lexi this must be tough on you." Embry said indifferently as if he didn't know what else to say.

Again, I just nodded. I didn't know what to say back. That he was right? Or that he had no idea how hard and tough this was on me? It didn't feel right to point that out, so I just kept my mouth shut.

"So where was you pulling Edward off to when we stopped you?" Jacob asked me after a few uncomfortable moments of silence.

"Outside," I told him in a dead sort of voice, "Away from this room." Jacob nodded and Edward shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Do you want us to with you?" Jacob asked and I shook my head.

"No, go say your goodbye first, and then you can join us outside if you wish." Jacob nodded and turned away from us, pushing on Embry shoulder to pull him along with him. I turned to Edward who was looking at floor. "Would you like to get out of here?" I asked him, already knowing his answer without him having to speak it.

"Please," He whispered to me without looking up. I reached out taking his hand in mine and pulled him through the people who were trying to get a better look at the casket that held Rose's body.

I pushed the door out of my way, almost hitting Grace in the face with it. Why was she here?

"Lexi," She cried out running into my leg, hugging it. I looked down at her then back at her mom. I felt Edward squeeze my hand.

"Jonathan didn't make it," Her mother told me looking down at her daughter. Jonathan must have been her son. "We were making our way to the room where they placed him, when Grace here saw you." I nodded looking down at Grace who was looking up at me with a weak smile.

"Would you come with us please?" She asked me. I turned to Edward who shrugged his shoulders at me.

"Sure, we'll go with you." I told Grace, grabbing her small hand in mine other hand that wasn't holding Edwards. Her mother led the way as we followed behind her. Jonathan's room was right next to Rosalie's.

When we entered the room, a strong powerful scent of roses and lilies hit me making me grow weak at the knees. For one reason; the roses remind me of Rosalie, the other reason; lilies was Emmett's favorite flowers.

"Come met Jonathan." Grace told me as she pulled my hand. I nodded numbly, letting Edward's hand go as I followed Grace to her brother body.

When we got closer, I saw her brother for the first time. He had to be at least 15 of age.

He had honey golden hair that was the longer than most boys. His cheeks had a pale glow to them as if it was highlighting the scar that reached from his forehead to his chin. He was put in a red shirt that said 'I wish I was anywhere but here right now'. I choked back a sob.

Grace tried to stand on her tiptoes to see her brother but failed at it. She was to short. Before I had time to reach down to lift her up so she could see, Edward was behind her, lifting her up by the under arms.

"Here you go," He muttered to her lifting her high enough to see him. I watched as Grace's mom face fall as she saw Jonathan for the first time since his death.

I couldn't take it anymore. Death, sickness, hurt, pain. I just couldn't stand it any longer. I had to get out of here. I turned quickly on my heels and raced out of the room and through the doors that led to the outside. In my haste, I slammed the door into Jacob stomach. From afar, I could hear Edward calling my name.

Without telling Jacob I was sorry, I hurried away from him and raced to my bike. Now Jacob and Edward both we're shouting my name. I didn't answer them. I just started the bike and kicked it into gear all in one movement.

"Let her go," Embry said. "Just let her leave,"

"She shouldn't be drivi-" That was the last thing I heard Edward say before I sped away from them.

I didn't know where I was heading until I hit the major highway that led out of town. The only place I felt like I was free. Where, ever if Emmett was in a coma, he was still there with me. _Our hill_.


End file.
